*a coversation between my self, my mind & my heart*
Deedee : hey Mind & Heart,
gue mau curhat niiiiiihhhhh, tadi malem gue mimpi aneh
mind & heart : mari, mariiiiiiii, sini kita ngerumpi
Deedee : iya, tadi malem gue mimpi nginep dirumah ”you know who”, gue ngak tau, how did I end staying over nite at his home dan ngupi2 with his parents, pokoknya tau2 udah disana. Trus yang anehnya, rumahnya luas sekali, tapi kotor, kumuh, kosong hampir nggak ada isinya, beberapa perabotan yang ada pun nggak layak pakai semua. Trus rumahnya rame banget, banyak orang yang nggak gue kenal. Trus – you know who - pergi dari rumahnya, gue tungguin ternyata dia nggak balik2 pulang. Gue bosen nunggu, gue cari dia pinjem mobil temennya (padahal kan gue ngak bisa nyetir yah bo), akhirnya gue malah nyasar dan minta dianterin pulang sama a stranger, seorang cewek yang ternyata salah satu pemujanya (disitu dia bilang ke gue how she adores him). Blom sampe rumahnya balik, tau2 gue alarm gue bunyi dan gue terbangun keringetan and feeling so empty. The dream feels so real & so clear. What does it mean ???
Heart : aaah,deedee, loe lagi kangen aja sama dia, seperti biasa, dan terlalu takut untuk menghubungi dia, even just to say hi.
Mind : Mungkin sebenernya loe udah tau arti mimpi tersebut dee, but you pretend NOT to know, you try to deny the fact that you knew.
Deedee : Okay mind, I might get your point, but would you kindly explain ? biar gue lebih tenang aja.
Heart : ignore mind, nggak usah di dengerin dee, mind is so cruel, kayak loe nggak kenal sama your own mind aja. You don’t want to know, ‘coz you won’t like what he’s about to tell.
Deedee : shoot me. Hey, Mind, do tell me.
Mind : are you sure ? because you’re so stubborn sometimes you don’t want to hear what you don’t want to hear.
Deedee : just shut up and tell.
Mind : okay, here’s the thing. You wanna talk about it, let’s talk about it.Tapi inget, it’s only from my point of view, so no need to argue.
- Loe nginep disana karena loe udah merasa nyaman disana. In fact, loe kan udah dikenalin sama orang tuanya dan udah beberapa kali ketemu mereka. That’s very clear, no further comment.
- Rumahnya kosong, perabotannya jelek2, mungkin menggambarkan keadaan yang memungkinkan dia nantinya nggak bisa memberi loe kehidupan yang selama ini udah loe jalanin, so disitu loe udah dikasih alert & warning in advance. I don't know about this for sure.
- Rumahnya rame & banyak strangers ? Kan loe tau kalo dia emang beredar dan banyak temen. Masih nanya ???
- Dia pergi dan tidak kembali - geez, do I still need to explain this ? He’s gone , for God’s shake !!!. Would you stop dreaming and wake up, it is the real world you’re living in. You’d been living in a fantasy, hoping, wishing and expecting him to return but the truth is, he’s not coming back, get it ?
- Loe nggak bisa nyetir tapi nekat nyari dia & nyasar ? itu karena usaha loe untuk dapetin dia, you’d just do anything to have him back, but you ended up nowhere. You don’t know what you’re doing and where you’re going. Daaaaa ???
- A stranger ? a woman ? Yakin cuma satu cewek ??? hahaha. Dee, isn’t obvious already that women WORSHIP him ??? who are you kiddin ? hallooo ???
I guess that’s enuff for today. The rest, silahkan di cerna & dipikir2 lagi.
Deedee : what da f**k ???!!!
Heart : I told you hon, you shouldn’t have listened, you shouldn’t have asked mind. Reality bites. Truth hurts. Ouch
Mind : shut up heart, somebody needs to tell deedee to let it go, let it fly, let it flow, and let it be. Somebody needs to slap her on the face and lead her to the right path she has lost.
Deedee : I know. It’s just, it’s very hard to accept the fact that you were once special but you are now history. And you guys don’t know what is it like to love someone that much
Heart : I do, but still, life goes on, my dear. Beside, what’s the point of keep loving someone who doesn’t love you anymore ? or who doesn’t love you as much you love him ?
Mind : Oh what do you know about love dee ? love is not only kissing, hugging, and holding hands It’s much more than that. If he would, he could have founded you and fought you back, but he didn’t, did he ??? It’s fuckin’ over, baby, it’s soooooooooo over…
Heart : gini aja dee, kalo jodoh emang nggak akan lari kemana. Jalani aja hidup loe. If he comes back, he’s yours. If he doesn’t, he never was, he never meant to be. Make it simple. You deserve all the happiness in the world.
Deedee : Hiks. In the mean time, what should I do ? what should I do ? help !!!
Mind : Nothing. Do nothin. As you once said, live life at the fullest. Kalo lagi seneng, nikmati rasa bahagiamu. Sebaliknya, ketika sedih, nikmati siksaan jiwa yang membuat sesak di dada. Because only time, and/or another man heals. Do yourself a favor, go somewhere, far - far away, away from the routine. Fresh your soul, and be back with new spirit and life.
Heart : yeah, siapa tau, going somewhere-alone- nantinya akan ketemu sama somebody new *menghayal*. Nevertheless, remember how you believe that there’s someone for everyone, it’s just a matter of time ? You’ll meet someone else - someday - somehow -somewhere.
Deedee : thank you guys. I really mean it. I should really have to let it go, let it fly, let it flow, and let it be.
*Jakarta, 26 September 2007 - for having such a pathetic - dramatic dream last nite*
