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Hi Dear deedee
I am back again...this time I am back to you..
to the face I am trying to find among thousands...
the face I feel comfort to see..with that golden smile..
it's been more than a year now since you replied to my first msg...
I am here without you..as that song said...hundred days are made me older..
since the last time I saw your pretty face...by 3 doors down...
sometimes I feel you deep inside me..I feel so closed to you...
with those hundreds pretty pirctures you put...
always see your smiles everywhere...
hope...just hoping...
one day...we meet...don't know if you feel me...
but one thing for sure...
you will never ...never ever...consider me....as one of your friends...
well...I am just your secret admirer maybe..
everytime I stumble into your profile..
I just feel so closed to you...like to see your pretty face...
your great smile...and I envy the people you know...
that's how I feel always when seeing you here...
take good care deae deedee...and God bless you
and Guard you wherever you go and whatever you do....
have a nice and a great weekend.
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I got this note from my friendster inbox in one morning.
Dari SD, SMP, SMA, ada satu atau dua cowok yg suka sama gue, tapi biasanya gue tau siapa aja mereka ituw karena biasanya mereka kirim surat (dulu kan blom ada imel yah bow) and biasanya diselipin di buku pelajaran, atau dimasukin ke amplop yang dimasukkin kedalam tas gue. Biasanya di surat itu ada nama penulisnya, ada tanda tangan nya, malah pernah ada yg kasih goresan darahnya yang sudah mengering di surat cinta itu. So gue tau dari siapa surat itu berasal. Tapi gue blom pernah punya secret admire, seseorang yang kita tidak tau identitasnya.
Okay, back to this misterious man…Hey hey, siapa dia ….
gue klik ke FS nya nih orang..eng ing enggg…gue tetep nggak kenal.
Ada beberapa kemungkinan :
1.Mungkin gue pernah ngobrol sama dia di messages, and perhaps I found him so rude or inpolite so I decided not to talk to him anymore
2.He doesn’t interest me, so I skipped him
3.I talked to him, he’s too good to be true, almost unreal, so I lost interest
4.Too much messages received on my inbox so I don’t remember anymore who’s who …hehehe
Kayaknya gue lebih percaya sama yang terakhir, karena saking banyaknya messages yang masuk, gue nggak terlalu pay attention lagi siapa aja yg pernah ngobrol atau pengen kenalan sama gue. Lagipula, kerjaan di kantor selalu ribet suribet jaya, don’t have much time to maintain my FS (kecuali cuman untuk ganti photo, hehe) so I don’t bother to remember people unless he/she in such a way somehow has gotten my attention.
Then again nih ya, mukanya familiar, seakan2 gue pernah liat, but when I took a closer look, ternyata gue emang bener2 nggak kenal siapa dia. Trus gue buka inbox gue, kali2 aja dulu emang pernah message2 an, gue lupa2 inget. Tapi pas gue masuk ke inbox, message yang masuk udah ribuan, gue males nyari satu persatu sampe ketemu nih orang, akhirnya gue nyerah and memutuskan untuk liat lagi profile dia di FS. Namanya Ahmad, 38 tahun, good looking, single, pengusaha minyak dari Cairo yang tinggal di Jakarta. Cieeehh, pengusaha booo….(itu juga kalo dia bener2 ada and nggak tepu2 dengan profilenya, as on internet, you could be anyone, at anytime, in anywhere, no ?
Yang agak mengganggu pikiran, kenapa dia menulis “but one thing for sure...you will never ...never ever...consider me....as one of your friends...” naaaah, jadi curigation kan nih tante, kenapa dia nulis begitu ? was he that bad that I decided not to have him as a friend ???
Anyhow, setelah baca message dia, gue respond ke dia and menanyakan siapa dia, lalu dia mulai cerita how we had talked and were having good conversation for a few times before, I then stopped responding and disappeared. Then when he asked for my number, setelah menimbang2 bahwa nothin wrong with him and the fact that he’s been waiting for my phone number for a year or so, then I decided to give him my number.
So he made his first call and so on, and once in a while he sent sms just to say hello, and he claimed himself as my secret admire.. Trus trus, dia akhirnya ngajakin gue ketemuan. Gue heran. Secret admire kok ngajakin ketemuan ?
Gue ragu2. Gue liat di kamus bahasa inggris Thesaurus, Secret = Confidential. Restricted. Private. Enigma. Classified
In this case, secret admire meant to be anonymous. If you’re a secret admire, you’re not supposed to be known. You have to be reminded mystery. Jadinya gue agak2 lost interest to meet him. But he insisted, and he said he’s been looking forward to meet me.
Trus trus akhirnya gue liat sekali lagi profile nya ini orang di FS. Trus gue liat friendslistnya, ternyata dia nggak punya temen sama sekali. Wow. Creepy. Kalo pada awalnya gue seneng karena gue punya pengagum, sekarang gue merasa takut. This person has joined FS over a year ago, why doesn’t he has a friend. Not even one ???
Then again, people joined FS for so many reason. Ada yg join FS to be able to keep in touch with his/her friends, without needing to make friends with another. Contohnya abang angkat gue doni. Dia itu join friendster cuman asal bisa ngikutin perkembangan adiknya yang cantik ini *lirik ke diri sendiri* dia merasa nggak perlu cari temen atau kenalan sama orang2 baru, karena dia nggak perduli dengan semua ini, nggak seperti beberapa dari kita yang kadang2an pingin pamer punya banyak temen and malah ada yg punya account FS lebih dari satu, hehe. Yna temen nya Mark juga begitu, dia juga bikin FS cuman biar bisa terus berkomunikasi dengan Mark dengan alasan yang sama dengan doni. Jadi sebenernya, memang ada beberapa orang yang punya FS account tapi tidak punya/ tidak mau nambah temen karena mungkin emang nggak perduli dengan segala macam fasilitas friendster, asalkan bisa terus berkomunikasi dengan orang2 terdekatnya.
Tapi tetep aja gue males ketemu sama Ahmad. Biarpun (di photo nya) dia lumayan ganteng, and dari percakapan nya he sounds very smart and tajir abiiiissss. Gue juga nggak tau kenapa tiba2 gue jadi males ketemuan sama dia, biarpun dia cuma ngajak dinner atau ngupi2 doang.
Perhaps I don’t want to give him hopes, concerning that I have heart and mind into someone else now. He knows I’m now seeing someone and perhaps this one (hopely) would be my last destination…but he doesn’t mind, karena bagi dia, jadi temen gue aja dia udah seneng…tapi kalo diliat dari percakapan2 selama ini he tends to threat me more than a friend…then again I don’t know him that well, perhaps he say all the sweet words and the best lines to every single woman he’s interested with, hehe
Perhaps it’s another reason somehow, gue takut, kalo dia ketemu gue dia akan kecewa karena ternyata gue nggak seperti yang dia kira atau dia bayangin…I don’t want to screw his fantasy or mungkin lebih ke ego gue yang ingin membiarkan dia untuk memuja gue selamanya…uh …am I that bad ? I dunno…
Perhaps I’ve been watching too much american movies, where a stranger could somehow turns out to be a stalker or a murder.. how he chopped the woman he dates into slices after a nice dinner… hiii, seyeeeemmm, thanks to Steven Sielberg, gara2 dia gue jadi takut ketemu sama nih orang. Norak yah gue…
Akhirnya gue bilang gue ngak mau ketemuan sama dia dengan berbagai alasan2 bodoh diatas. He was very dissappointed. But he said he’ll wait until the day I’m ready to meet him. Then he stop calling. Then he’s gone…
Awalnya gue merasa seolah2 kehilangan penggemar, tapi lama2 jadi terbiasa, and lama2 juga udah mulai lupa….Cuma entah kenapa pagi ini gue inget dia, and gue merasa harus menuliskan ini di buku harian oline gue tercinta, so at least gue bisa ngebanggain diri sendiri, that once upon a time, I had a secret admire *grin*
